My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
