Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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