booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
where am i from again
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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