who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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