She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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