I just pynch a tree in the face
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
soo... how was my night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
