out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
