god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
