I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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