You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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