I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
