You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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