it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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