I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
