the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
