; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
