The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
