SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
party gras won. party gras always wins.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
