I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
