spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
