Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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