Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
