woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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