i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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