we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
