Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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