I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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