Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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