Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
