I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
