His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
