Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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