meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
