We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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