The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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