I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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