you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
