You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
