I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I forget how to act sober
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
