so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
