Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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