I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
