I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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