Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
