how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
