Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
