It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
