genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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