i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im part way to drunk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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