One girl and one boy is just not enough.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
