i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
third nipple confirmed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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