I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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