just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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