just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
