Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
